Product Review: The Hunter Beam Pro Max Ultra, Reviewed by a Cat

Normally, Red Dot Supply Company reviews its own products with great enthusiasm and no supporting evidence. This month we gave the review desk to the person who uses the product most. The following is a transcript of her statement, given to Pinpoint, who took notes by lying on them.

First impressions

The reviewer, a grey cat named Governor, did not rate the packaging, which she described as “a box, with something in it”. She rated the box more highly than the contents. She spent eleven minutes in the box before addressing the pointer.

Performance

“The dot is red. It is small. It moves quickly, in a way that suggests it has somewhere to be. I respect this. I do not respect that it arrives from a human hand. A human hand is not a destination.”

Governor rated the dot’s speed as “adequate” and its tendency to vanish as “rude”. She noted that the Pro Max Ultra, in common with every other model, goes dark when she is closest to success.

Design

The reviewer gave the lanyard a score of seven out of ten, having chewed it. The pouch scored four, having failed to chew. The sticker marked “Pro” received no score at all. “It is a sticker,” she said, “and I am a professional.”

Value for money

When asked about price, Governor said she did not carry money, was not responsible for it, and would like the record to show that she has never been asked about price before. She said the best value in the house was the cardboard tube from the post.

Our scores

Governor gave the Hunter Beam Pro Max Ultra the following ratings:

• Dot quality: three paws out of five.
• Build quality: two paws out of five, because she had to knock it off the table twice.
• Overall satisfaction: one paw, raised, and then withdrawn, as though in a salute.

Verdict

The Hunter Beam Pro Max Ultra is, according to our most qualified reviewer, a product that gives her something to do between naps. We consider this a ringing endorsement and have put it on the packaging.