The 2026 Beam Range: A Press Release Nobody Asked For

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Red Dot Supply Company is proud to announce the 2026 Beam Range, the most significant advance in the lighting of small floor areas since the previous Beam Range.

Chief Beam Officer Dot Vanderpaw said the new range represents “a bold commitment to the colour red, which we have now held for eleven consecutive years.” Asked what was new, she said the batteries were in a different order.

Meet the lineup

The range consists of three products, each engineered to the same exacting standard of being held by a human who is slightly bored.

• The Starter Beam: a pointer with one button. The button turns it on. We consider this a feature rather than a limitation.
• The Precision Beam: identical to the Starter Beam, but the casing is a more confident shade of grey.
• The Hunter Beam Pro Max Ultra: a Starter Beam with a lanyard, a carrying pouch, and a small sticker that says “Pro”.

Technical innovations

Our engineers, all of them cats, spent fourteen months in the laboratory, which is the spare room. They tested more than two hundred prototype dots against a representative sample of skirting boards. Findings were mixed, because the engineers kept leaving to chase the results.

The headline innovation is Adaptive Evasion, a patented system in which the dot moves away at the exact moment a cat arrives. Early reviewers called it “unfair”, “deliberate”, and “the reason I now sit in this corner”. We take all three as endorsements.

Availability

The Beam Range will be on sale from the first day of next month, or whenever Pinpoint finishes lying on the shipment. Pre orders are open now. Pre orders are fulfilled in the order they were placed, unless the order was placed by a dog, in which case we have no record of it.

“We are not simply selling a red dot. We are selling the idea that the dot could be caught. It cannot. But the idea is very reasonably priced.” Dot Vanderpaw, Chief Beam Officer

About Red Dot Supply Company

Red Dot Supply Company has been supplying precision lighting to the discerning hunter since the day somebody left a torch on the sofa. Our products are not suitable for use on aircraft, wildlife, or any surface Pinpoint has already claimed. For media enquiries, please contact our press office, which is also Pinpoint, and which is asleep.