Internal Memo: The Wall Is Not a Warehouse

TO: All staff

FROM: Dot Vanderpaw, Chief Beam Officer

SUBJECT: The wall is not a warehouse

It has come to my attention that staff are leaving dots on the wall overnight. I would like to be clear that this is not a storage policy. A wall is not a warehouse, a dot is not stock, and the night shift is not an opportunity to see how long a cat will sit there.

Background

Last Tuesday, the break room wall held fourteen dots. Some were fresh. Some were faded. One, near the radiator, had apparently been there since the Spring.

When I asked who was responsible, Pinpoint said it was “nobody, and everybody, and the wall.” He then fell asleep, and I have not had a clearer answer since.

New policy

Effective immediately, the following rules are in force:

• All dots must be returned to the pointer by 6 PM.
• Dots may not be left unattended on any vertical surface.
• Dots may not be assigned to a cat as a long term project.
• Any dot found after hours will be collected by Ledger and entered in the lost property book.

Frequently raised objections

Some of you have said that the dots are “a form of art”. I appreciate this. I have looked at them. I would describe them as an unfinished sentence.

Others have said that the dots help morale. Morale is not a function of dots. Morale is a function of having a chair near the window and being left alone.

Disciplinary procedure

First offence: a verbal reminder and a treat withheld. Second offence: a written reminder and a treat withheld, but louder. Third offence: you will be asked to explain your dot to the legal department, Barrister Biscuit, who has asked me to say that he will not be moved by emotion.

Closing

I do not want to be the cat who takes away the dots. I want to be the cat who gives them back. If you take nothing else from this memo, let it be that.

Regards, Dot.

PS: Please stop leaving them on the ceiling. We cannot reach.