Employee of the Month: A Dot That Never Left Work

This month’s Employee of the Month is a red dot that has been on the ceiling of our break room since the second week of March. Nobody knows who left it there. Nobody has the heart to switch it off, because nobody has the pointer.

A career of quiet distinction

The dot arrived without a letter of application. It has never taken a holiday, claimed expenses, or asked for a pay rise, which makes it, by a clear margin, the most reliable member of staff at Red Dot Supply Company.

In its first month it received eleven hundred direct stares. In its second month, the number rose to nineteen hundred. Pinpoint has personally looked at it on four hundred occasions and has, he insists, “nearly gotten it.”

The testimonials

Colleagues praised the dot’s calm.

“I have never seen it panic.” Dot Vanderpaw, Chief Beam Officer

“I have never seen it.” Pinpoint, Head of Quality Assurance

Our accounts cat, a retired Persian named Ledger, said the dot was “the only employee who does not interrupt meetings”.

Concerns raised

The dot has not been free of controversy. In June, a junior cat complained that the dot appeared to be in two places at once. A review found that a second dot, from the window, was reflecting off the first. The two were counselled, and the second was moved to the stairwell.

There have also been questions about whether the dot is still there, or whether the staff are simply remembering where it was. The company position is that this is the same question, and that it is not one a business can afford to answer.

Recognition

As is traditional, the Employee of the Month receives a framed certificate, a parking space, and a treat in its honour. Since the dot has no use for any of these, we gave them to Pinpoint, who has put the certificate under his bed and the parking space on his list.

Congratulations to the dot. We look forward to its continued presence, whatever that means.